Yesterday and today I visited Elliot at fishing camp. It’s at Flyin’ B Ranch, just a few miles away. I stayed for about 45 minutes – 1 hour. It was a great time with Elliot teaching me how to fish, showing me the toads, telling me about the bull snake from earlier, showing me how the other children were killing grasshoppers. I told him that he knows what is right and what is wrong; and that he can’t control what other people do, but he can control himself.
Elliot was crying when I left; silent crying probably because he did not want to be embarrassed in front of the other kids. That is why his preschool strongly strongly discouraged me from visiting him during the day. It’s so hard when he’s literally 2-3 miles away and it’s not my parenting day.
Is it selfish?
I want to tell him to be happy for the time we had together, not sad for time we are apart. But I did not think of it. Instead, I asked him to tell me how he felt. He was quiet and did not talk. I carried him in my arms. He buried his head in my neck with silent tears streaming down his cheeks. I asked him many times to use his words, but he did not. I even started to ask his feelings: do you feel sad? do you feel frustrated? Are you bored (I think he is tired of fishing camp)? I told him I would see him in the morning at his doctor appointment, and that mama would pick him up very, very soon. It did not help.
Eventually he asked to go with me.
