Every morning when Elliot wake up is a joy. He sits up next to me, shows me his quirky, crooked smile with no teeth revealed, and then crawls on top of me. His head just under my chin as I lie facing the ceiling, he says, “Give me the vuvs.”

I caress his back and say what my mother always said to me in the mornings, “Good morning, Mary Sunshine!”

At night, after reading some books, we have a similar routine. He crawls on top of me and asks me to tell him a story and give him the vuvs.

The story is almost always an adventure of Elliot and the 10 Pizza Kittens. Sometimes the story is a variation on something we did together that day; other times it’s a fantastical adventure not based in reality.

And usually, Grendel crawls on top of Elliot to be pet. Elliot calls to her if she doesn’t come. He calls this the Elliot Sandwich. Grendel is the bun, and Elliot’s the tomato or sometimes the lettuce or the chicken.

Today we went to the Colorado Gators rescue near Hooper. Passed by that place many times but never went in until today. Elliot loved it and we spent probaby 3 1/2 hours there, feeding the animals and holding them. He did not want to leave. UPDATE: we went back the next day for several hours!

We had early dinner at the Sand Dunes Recreation, also in Hooper. They have hot springs with diving boards that Elliot really wanted to try. We’ll have to go back.

In the evening, we watched the Salina Christmas parade which ends with the lights on the mountainside turning into a Christmas tree with fireworks. Elliot absolutely loved it, too, but not as much as the alligators. He later told me Hanukkah and Halloween, not Christmas, are his favorite holidays. He is still enthralled by fireworks.

When we got back to the BV Overlook Camp and Lodging, where we are renting a cabin for 3 nights, we played pool and air hockey again with some other children. And Twister!

The next day, we went back to Salina to get a new toy sword. But instead, Elliot chose a wooden bow & arrow set. He asked me to teach him how to use it so he could be a ninja. We practiced hitting a tree for a while at a Salina park.

Scared of the Dark, Elliot’s Whimpers

Elliot’s turned out to be quite scared of the dark up here. Mostly “bicoties” (coyotes), not ghosts or the supernatural. He asked if his new toy sword, and later a flashlight that we are borrowing from the management, would scare away the bicoties. He clings to me in the dark while outside or with the lights out inside, he asks me to hold his hand. He does his “dog whimper” thing that sounds a lot like Chinle crying or whimpering.

But none of that is new. I just wanted to write about it again. He’s been afraid of bicoties for a long time and often asks about their weaknesses or what scare them away or otherwise defend against them.

Elliot has talked about his “other grandpa” several times. When I ask if he means Grandpa Marty (my father), he says no. In fact, one time earlier today he insisted that Grandpa Marty was a girl.

In the last year I’d guess he’s talked about Other Grandpa ten times. It’s not Oma. I don’t know who it is. Karolina’s father died in the early 2000s; I never met him but Karolina met my father a few times.

Tonight when we got to the cabin, the lights burned out. We got them replaced, but while we were waiting, Elliot was scared of the dark. He told me this story by the light of the iPhone flashlight.

His Other Grandpa woke up one morning and the lights were broken. So he went to the big store that sells things to fix things that are broken (here I ask him if he means Home Depot, a store he loves). So he went to Home Depot and bought lights. He went home and fixed the lights.

I asked if he means Grandpa Marty. No, he does not mean Grandpa Marty. He means his Other Grandpa.

What a wonderful day we had. Thanksgiving lunch at Mt Princeton Hot Springs then we swam and played all afternoon. Finally, we got our cabin at BV Overlook Campground and Lodging. We played in the rec center for hours with other children — air hockey, pool, bowling, darts, etc. I ordered dinner but the restaurant was closed! ( Even though the front desk assured me they were open). Fortunately, another family fed us more turkey and other food.

Then we had a fire outside the cabin. Elliot loved it and watching him explore fire was marvelous. He would take various twigs, light them in the camp fire, and marvel at it glowing. He knocked off glowing end into the sand and watched it glow, but exclaiming how incredible it is. I’m not sure why he was so fascinated and trying different experiments (throwing different things into the fire, like rocks, and asking what would happen) because we have lit many fires in the backyard.

This was his first time seeing matches. I showed him how they worked. He couldn’t believe it! The surprise and wonder…

After the fire, we went to sleep in the top bunk bed —- at Elliot’s insistence. He’s never slept in a bunk bed, let alone the top bunk bed, and was very excited for it. I didn’t think both of us would fit, but we did, and he said, “see daddy? We both are comfortable!” in the morning.

The movie of the last few days has been The Lion King. He’s never seen it. We listened to “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” on the radio for the next couple days dozens of times because he loves it.

So many firsts for him on this trip.

“Daddy? Let me tell you something. When I turn 5, I’m going to marry mama.”

“Why?” I ask

“Because I like her.”

Elliot asks again and again if we can watch “Monster from the Black Lagoon.” His new winter hat is supposed to be the monster. I tell him the correct name of the movie, but he likes Monster more than Creature. He doesn’t change his lingo.

I tell him it might be scary; we can watch it together. Remember we turned off “Gremlins” because it got too scary?

We watch all of it together. I’m impressed with his attention span. He asked lots of questions during the movie. At the end, he asks if movies are like long stories? And I say yes, they are just like long stories.

While drifting off to sleep, he asks, “Who would win? A hagfish vs Monster From the Black lagoon?” We debate it a bit and both agree the hagfish would lose. Even ten hagfish would lose.

We went sledding in the morning, before school. I appreciate these moments because we won’t be able to do this once he starts Kindergarten. K-12 has a very specific start time for the day. Preschool — we can show up anytime.

“Hey Daddy, guess what? You walk on snow and it makes a different sound! Like salad!”

It’s been 18 months, almost to the day, that Elliot’s family split in two. Tonight is the first time he’s mentioned anything about it. He’s 4 and a half.

We are spooning in bed, nearing sleep. Elliot says to me, “Daddy, I’m scared. Did you hear that? The books moved.” He’s talking about the children’s books in bed with us, the ones we just finished reading with a small neck light.

Elliot turns over to face me and I say, “Books don’t move by themselves, Elliot.”

“Shhh, listen! Did you hear that?” he whispers. He asks if it was the fan, and I say I don’t know. He talks about “ghosts” and “Frankensteins.” And I reply with something much too adult, something about our fears never materializing. It doesn’t help, of course, but then I remember what will. Elliot likes to hear stories when I was a boy that are relevant to him.

So I tell him a story about how afraid I was of the dark, and that I slept alone as a boy; how I would run to my parent’s bedroom in the middle of the night out of fear. That I was afraid of the same things he is afraid of now.

“And you slept with them?” Elliot asked. “No, they did not let me sleep with them,” I said.

I told how my parents would soothe me, then sit outside my bedroom door until I fell asleep again, in my own bed. How my brother and sister were never afraid of the dark, of ghosts and monsters, but I was. How I once tore a ligament running in fear from my bed to my parents, tripping over my Corduroy teddy bear in the dark of my room, screaming from the pain but so afraid the ghosts would get me now that they could hear me. Ending up in the hospital emergency room in the middle of the night.

After a short diversion where he asks about ligaments, I realize the story definitely calmed him. Maybe it’s understanding that his big, strong Daddy was once afraid of the same things he is. Maybe just knowing he’s not alone in being afraid. Maybe I validated his fears. I don’t know.

Then Elliot tells me a story about his life, a time when he was afraid and his parents helped him.

“Remember in The Old Family? I was little, and I was in bed. I was crying and you and mama and Maxi and Chinle came into the room. And someone picked me up.”

“You were in the crib?” I ask.

“Yes, in The Old Family. In the crib. And someone picked me up.” A pause and then, “I miss The Old Family”

“You mean when me, mama, you, and Maxi all lived together?” I ask.

“Yes,” he says.

I am stunned. He’s never mentioned his nuclear family, even after I show him videos of those times. Elliot rarely talks about the past or the future yet. So I thought he didn’t remember.

But he does remember. And now not only does he mention The Old Family, but he’s nostalgic for it.

Under the dim glow of the planetarium projected onto the ceiling, our faces are inches apart. We stare at each other, lying on our sides under the warm heated blanket. There is silence. I feel love and compassion and sorrow for my son. Is he sad? What is he feeling?

“I’m sorry,” I say after a while.

“It’s ok,” says Elliot.

A few minutes later, he’s asleep.

Yesterday was Elliot’s first time bowling. He loved it! It was duckpin or candlepin bowling. I did not bowl. Well, maybe I threw one ball. But that’s ok. He had a great time. It was at Pindustry in Centennial. We watched the bigger kids and adults play at the full-size alley where the pins were glowing in the ultraviolet light. He asked several times for the rest of the day, even after we’d left Pindustry, if he could play at the “lanes with the glow-in-the-dark” when he is bigger. Of course I said yes. But he also asked if we could go bowling “tomorrow” (any day in the future is “tomorrow” still). He really likes the place. We played some video games and pinball, too.

He wants to have his next birthday party at Pindustry, after he saw two other parties happening.

Like with sledding, Elliot loves it when I narrate his performance as if I’m a sports announcer!

Mara, Do you happen to remember this elephant?

It is the vase that held the flowers you sent to karolina while she was in the hospital giving birth to elliot. I dug it out today and elliot absolutely LOVES it. He filled it with the “flowers” you see which are from our yard.

We are currently reading a series of books called “Little Elliot.” He is a little elephant with polka dots, JUST LIKE THIS VASE. Total coincidence. He kept saying he loves this elephant flower holder.

Daddy, can you go on an adventure today and take pictures to show me? ( adventure is what we call my wall during the day )

Today I listened to a short story about Japanese river monsters called Kappa (“A Cup of Salt Tears” by Isabel Yap). Some Kappas are evil and try to pull little kids into the river if they stand near the edge, to drown them. Other are good and will rescue you if you are drowning. But you can protect yourself from the bad Kappas if you carve your name into a cucumber and throw it into a river.

I told the story to Elliot driving him home from school. Then we looked at pictures of the Kappa on Google Images. We went and bought a cucumber, carved his name, and tomorrow we’ll throw it into the little stream by the Garden Preschool parking lot.

UPDATE: Friday, November 11, 2022. Oh my god, Darek Shapiro found the cucumber in the stream the next day. He was clearing out brush and cattails from the grounds. He plucked it out of the stream and gave it back to Elliot in school! Rebecca picked Elliot up from school and she called me (FaceTime). Elliot held up the cucumber in a plastic bag and said, “The Donald Duck man found it!” Rebecca said Elliot wanted to throw it back into the steam and asked if it was ok? She had 3 or 4 kids with her. They probably all took part in this, without knowing anything about Kappa or whatever Elliot could relate to them… So FUNNY!

I was in an all-day “war room” on Monday. We released new technology to the Montreal Options Exchange that we’ve been working on all year. There were about 70-75 people connected over Zoom video across several cities. The CIO/CTO, Brad Petersen, asked why Bob Pisani from CNBC was in Denver (jokingly). He was referring to me:

Bob Pisani

CNBC Senior Markets Correspondent

A CNBC reporter since 1990, Bob Pisani has covered Wall Street and the stock market for over 25 years. Pisani covered the real estate market for CNBC from 1990-1995, then moved on to cover corporate management issues before becoming On-Air Stocks Editor in 1997. In addition to covering the global stock market, he also covers initial public offerings (IPOs), exchange-traded funds (ETFs) and financial market structure for CNBC. READ MORE

Garden Preschool. Pre-K. Blue Room.

To Mara: I keep meaning to tell you how sensitive Elliot is. Anytime he thinks he’s hurt my feelings, or that he’s done something bad, he is over-the-top apologetic and tells me that he loves me and asks if i’m ok, if i’m happy, (“You happy?”) and on and on. It is amazing. It’s like he has empathy hard-wired somehow. He didn’t learn it. iI’s just there in him automatically.

DJDS application – Biographical sketch that I wrote of Elliot.

Elliot is a sensitive and caring young boy who loves to laugh. Anytime Elliot thinks he’s hurt my feelings, or that he’s done something bad, he is over-the-top apologetic, tells me that he loves me and asks if i’m ok, if i’m happy, (“You happy?”)

It is amazing. It’s like he has empathy hard-wired somehow. He didn’t learn it. It’s just there in him automatically.

He is kind to the point that he won’t hurt bugs or insects and calls plants and trees his “friends”.

Elliot loves music, he loves to laugh and dance, and to play games. His favorite music is anything silly or spooky. He dances to his favorite songs.

His favorite games are physical ones like variations on hide-and-seek, wrestle-play, etc.

Elliot is quick to learn and is very curious. He asks lots of questions about flora and fauna, often the same questions again and again, but he

retains the knowledge.

His greatest strengths are his sympathy, empathy, curiosity, resiliency from disappointment, and his sponge-like absorption of knowledge of the world.

Although Elliot gets along well with other children and has plenty of friends at school, one of his challenges is learning to share. Sometimes that

is not just sharing of physical items like toys, but the sharing of people and relationships. However, this seems age-appropriate and not much to be

concerned about.

I FaceTime’d with Elliot while he was trick or treating with Max and Karolina. Max did not speak to me. Elliot as mummy. Max was dressed in his lantern fish costume that he’s used a couple of years before.