Thu, Jan 31 – Sun, Feb 3
Karolina and Newey couldn’t make it because they were sick. I wasn’t surprised; we’d all been sick the previous week. But somehow I knew Karolina wouldn’t go to the Bat Mitzvah one way or the other. We’d argued about it a couple weeks before. She threatened our marriage would be over if she didn’t go. I wonder if I still have What’s App messages about that.
We arrived Thursday late afternoon to absolutely frigid weather. Waiting for the Hertz shuttle bus in the cold… We finally get the car, after first choosing one with a non-full tank. Every minute outside was treacherous from the cold.
Mara said she and the kids were exhausted. Morgan had dance lessons, then they had to go to the mall to pickup Reid’s suit. We said we’d meet after the mall for dinner around 7:00 or 7:30. Meanwhile, Max and I go to the hotel.
Extended Days America on Rt 70. Abysmal. 110 USD/night because of the kitchen for Newey and Karolina. But the place was disgusting, and Karolina and Newey didn’t even go. The halls smelled like smoke. A man walking above us all night kept me awake until I put on playnoise.html.
Even then it was hard to sleep. No extra blankets, just a thin blanket and sheet. No coffee in the room. No one cleans the room or makes up the bed unless you stay there 7 days or more.
When I complained to the desk, and mentioned the amenities did not match the rate, the attendant said their nightly rate is 85 USD/night, not 110. So much for using booking.com again. I tried to find a number to call them and couldn’t. The front desk couldn’t cancel or refund our payment, only booking.com.
We get dinner at the Marlton Diner, another pretty awful experience (just lots of fried food), except for the pinball machine in the unheated lobby.
Friday
I drop one of Max’s ADHD pills down the sink by accident and text Karolina. She writes, “Fuck. I packed an extra for him but now instead of 30 pills for the he has 29. Can you please give him the next one over the bed or floor.” I decide not to give him one on Sunday because he needs it more for school than for a day off with me.
We wake up and go to Voorhees Diner. Max wants my waffle so we trade and I eat his pancakes 🙂
We go shoe-shopping — TJ Maxx and Marshalls, neither of which have shoes, until we finally go to DSW and get them there.
We get to the synagogue 1/2 hour early (12:30) to change into our suits in the bride’s room.
Lots of waiting around until near the end, when it’s our turn for 15 minutes of photos on the bima and outside the main shul.
Whitney writes that he cannot host Max on Valentine’s Day, he needs it to be Feb 15. Well, the ticket cost 556 USD and cannot be canceled or refunded. Initially Karolina, before she knows this, writes “Pls don’t let Whit pay the difference– he is hosting Max for the weekend”. Both of them think it will be 150 – 200 USD change fee, not requiring new tickets with the 300 USD (round-trip chaperone fee because he is 10 years old. More on that later.)
Matt Goldberg’s parents names (Len and Gail Krebs) on the dedication plaque to those who helped build the synagogue. The Beth Shalom brass-colored eternal flame thing from the original synagogue is still there.
This the first picture sent to Karolina. She is upset that Max is not wearing his bow tie, which I could not find. I didn’t find it the entire weekend. It’s either lost or we didn’t bring it. She was also upset because his hair wasn’t brushed. I bought a brush the next day.
Friday afternoon we go to Josh Erde’s animal hospital in Pitman for a tour. It was great for Max to see it. The dog who needed surgery for a swallowed sock that made it to its intestines. The other dog who swallowed a few used tampons. Various other cats and dogs in the cages recovering from other surgeries (teeth cleanings, etc).
We had pizza down the street then, on Eric Morrison’s recommendation, we went to Comics and Collectibles on Broadway in Pitman. Max loved the place, even more than 3 Cs Collectibles in Aurora. I told him I’d buy him one toy. He had a hard time deciding between a few different Holy Grail toys and a 1990s “The Mummy” set (not from the movie, I don’t think, but could be wrong). He chose “The Mummy“.
We were going to go to Josh’s house afterwards, but his baby had just fallen asleep. So instead he lead us back towards Cherry Hill on the backroads to avoid traffic.
We head back to Mara’s for a while, I think? I can’t remember what we did.
We went to the Voorhees Diner again for dinner, although neither of us were hungry.
Saturday
Services all morning until 1:00, with Morgan doing a short Torah portion but a very long Haf–Torah portion. I was very impressed. It was a lot. Later she lead the congregation in various Hebrew song prayers.
I take some photos and Karolina sees them because I’m sharing my photo feed with her. Almost immediately after taking some photos, she writes: “Why is he wearing that shirt?? I gave you a shirt, he should be wearing the shirt he wore yesterday, that is not a suit shirt!!! I also asked you to comb his hair??” I reply later:
“The shirt was too wrinkled to wear and the blue one looks great under the jacket. For the party tonight, he only needs slacks + sweater, that is what Reid is also wearing.”
Then we sit with Marianne and Roy for an hour at Kiddush. Afterwards, we head with them to the Voorhees Diner (our 3rd time!). Max gets some more matzoh ball soup and I get my waffle 🙂 Max also gets the blue cookie monster giant cupcake from their pastry case and, as usual, has 3 bites before he’s finished 🙂
Max remembers Marianne and Roy and hugs them lovingly, like he does everyone he’s met or never met before. It is so precious and genuine that regardless who he hugs, the person is clearly touched by it and smiles (like Mara’s friend Stacy’s husband who he met once on Saturday then hugged goodbye on Sunday).
At 2:00 we go to PJ Wheelihans and meet Steve Karp, Barry Krell, Josh Erde, and Mark DeCheser. Josh brings his 9-month old, who is 10 days older than Newey Elliot. He sits quietly for 2 hours while we all reminiscence and talk about the present day, too.
Barry offers Max a vintage Star Wars toy of his when he finds out Max loves vintage toys. Steve talks about Green Eggs & Ham, sings our theme song, and tells Mark about the raccoon poop and lawn clipping stories and my dad.
We stay until 5:00 with Mark, then go back to the hotel to change Max’s clothes.
At the Bar Mitzvah, I write to Karolina:
“You should see Max. There are probably 50 twelve and thirteen year-old girls dancing and he is so embarrassed/shy” (he is 10, almost 11 at this time). Marianne and Roy can’t believe how much Max has grown since they last saw him in June (2018). Not just in height but [quote from Roy] ‘more friendly, outgoing, and confident.'”
Max is dancing up a storm. He spends hours dancing on the raised platform, next to one of the hired dancers, right in front of a speaker. Later, I take these notes of things people said to me, including people from Ross’s side of the family:
Ross’s new wife: “No one had more fun than your son!”
Ross: “He nailed it!” [agreeing with his wife’s comments]
Cousin of Ross:Â “Your son has so much energy!”
Marianne: “He doesn’t take after his father, huh?” (because I wasn’t dancing)
Roy: “I think he found his profession — DJ Max!” and also “So you don’t think he’s changed since last time we saw him?” (sarcasm; Max was shy and didn’t talk to them much in June 2018 at the Columbine Library Park).
Even the photographer-woman commented to me on Max, as well as other strangers. Max later told me some random girls took photos with him on the dance floor.
Sunday
Before I write about Karolina and our argument, I want to write about the pleasant things that happened today:
Max and I went to Mara’s as her cadre of 15 camp friends were leaving the sleep-over party. I was disappointed as Reid and Morgan did not interact with Max. They were tired. Reid did interact with Max a lot at the Bar Mitzvah party. That was lovely to see. They even played some kind of musical-chairs-style game together on the dance floor with the other kids (they were paired together).
From there, we drove in the old neighborhood. I showed him Bret Harte and drove in the parking lot. At 1121 Seagull Lane, my childhood home, the new owner, Nancy, was outside washing her car. We were stopped in front of her house and she asked if she could help us. I got out of the car and started talking to her … to be continued. She said they have not changed much inside the house.
Also, I want to write about magic forest, Sheri Park, and visiting Mark Decheser’s house and playing Minecraft with his kids and Roman (Dave Decheser’s son).
Things devolve between Karolina and I further. On a previous call during the weekend, she asked me to tell Whitney that we’d take care of the flight change costs. I hadn’t done that — I first wanted to see how much they were.
Whitney texts me and Karolina since we hadn’t answered his email. He asks for Max’s confirmation number and if he could change the flight. I check united.com and find out that tickets can’t be canceled or refunded. $556 down the drain.
She writes, “I just saw that you send Whitney the confirmation #. I have explicitly asked you, that you change the flight!! Whitney is hosting Max for the whole weekend!!!! I want you to tell him that you will change the flight on Monday.”
Karolina: “I am just going to say this once, if you think or want me to drop my college, if you have a problem with me getting a well-paid job … then, yes, I will go to court on Monday and fill for divorce. Just let me know. I am waiting”
Me: “I’ve never mentioned college. That’s you bringing it up all the time.”
Karolina: “? No ? With what else Eric ? Ha ? What else? Eric? I am miserable, complete miserable, I hate my life, I hate the situation I am in, I hate being with someone who can’t do basic things , I hate it. Hate it! The only ray of light for me is, that one day I will be able to take my children and do something with them, that one day i will be able to hire ten babysitters if I want too, that I will be able to send my child to any school I want to … and you want to take this away from me as well because ….? Because your first wife left you ? Because people leave you ? Let me give you some advice, look yourself in the mirror before you start pointing fingers on other people, before you start blaming me for anything and everything.”
[For some reason she believes I want her to quit school and always have. That I do not really want her to be financially independent… and she’s asked me more than once if I’m going to stop paying her $3000 per month once she gets an accounting job. So much for financial independence being her goal.]
She continues….
“Let me ask you this, what level of independence would be acceptable for you ?? Hmmm? Me working at Applebee’s or TJMax for $11/hour? Hmm? Me being a waitress? Hmm? So, I would have some money to spend on myself?”
“Would that be acceptable for you ? A blue collar job, that gives me something but not enough to speak up and make my own decisions?? Hmm?
