I am fascinated with how my kids come to understand death and time. I remember writing about it in the Maxi Book when Max was small, more than once. Elliot finally has a grasp on the past, present, and future, and I don’t hear him refer to ‘yesterday‘ as any day in the past anymore, or ‘tomorrow‘ as any day in the future, but that’s a recent development.
Christine McVie from Fleetwood Mac died on Wednesday. Elliot knows their music and her voice from a number of songs that I play often. He sometimes asks for “Little Lies” and even watches her in the music video.
So, I told Elliot that she died. Then, I played “Little Lies”. Elliot said, “Daddy, how is she still singing?”
Next, we listened to “Mystified” which I love for its ethereal feeling. Elliot knows this song, too. He asked if tonight she’ll be a zombie (in all seriousness). He asked if she is in the graveyard with a sign stone (his words for a gravestone).
This sparked a discussion about death that I recorded. I’m attaching it here, transcribed at the bottom after this divider.
The next day, Elliot said:
“Humans get born and they die?
“Yes,” I said.
“Grandmas die,” he said.
“Do you think someday daddy will die?” I asked.
“No, because you’re new,” Elliot replied.
Elliot: “Why do some people get born and some people die?”
Me: “Elliot, everyone that’s born also dies.”
Elliot: “Um, um, mama and me, we’re driving back and there was a graveyard and there was a bunch of people.”
Me: “There were a bunch of people at the graveyard?”
Elliot: “Yeah”
Me (struggling with what’s age appropriate to say): “Yeah, everyone dies though. Do you understand? I know it seems like only some people die.”
Elliot: “But, um, at the graveyard, the big graveyard, there was so much people died.”
Me: “Yeah. Did you walk through the graveyard?”
Elliot: “No, we were in the car.”
Me: “So, that woman singing ‘Little Lies’, her name is Christine McVie. She died today. And you asked how is she still singing?”
Elliot: “Yeah”
Me: “She is still singing because what we are listening to is called a recording. “
Elliot: “Like from a long, long time ago?”
Me: “Yeah, a long time ago she was singing into what’s called a tape recorder, a recorder, and they saved her voice. And now you can listen to it anytime, even when she’s dead.
Elliot: “Yeah. Daddy?”
Me: “Yeah”
Elliot: “Um, I can see, I can see, um, I want, I want, um, you can turn on, you can turn on Nyan Cat?
Some photos from around this time. The last one is Elliot writing the letter “J” at Pre-K in the Garden Preschool. That’s Darien next to him, who he does not like very much. He tells me many times how Darien pushes him or takes his toys, or otherwise mistreats him.
